There was violence on the streets of Las Vegas today as professional poker player and internet entrepreneur, Doug Polk, has been shunned for having the audacity to introduce a helpful website that improves players skills. The poker community had initiated the shunning after they had finally had enough of Doug Polk’s antics and decided to give him a “public shunning” in Pueblo Park, Las Vegas. “It’s a row that has been building for years.” proclaimed shunning team organizer, Daniel Negreanu. “We’re tired of him. Have you seen his videos? He can’t keep his mouth shut for two seconds. As for his website Upswing Poker? Well that was the final straw! I knew I had to clean Howard Lederer’s blood off my shunning bat as there was more work to be done.”
The normally soft spoken Doyle Brunson, the so called pope of poker, attended the shunning and was heard shouting “Get him boys, shun that bastard till he bleeds.” Sam Farha then picked up a rock and used it to shun Doug right between the eyes. At this point, Doug began to break down crying and apologizing, saying he was just trying to help people. Vannessa Selbst then forced her way to the front of the crowd and shunned Doug by kicking him between his legs and shouted at him, asking “If everyone’s good at poker, how are we meant to win? Let’s hear the answer to that poker genius?”
The shunning continued for the next two hours and by then a crowd of approximately 400 people had congregated to observe the event, an innovative ice cream man had even parked his truck nearby to provide refreshments. Victoria Mitchell could not be there in person, however she was able to partake in the occasion with the aid of a WhatsApp video call. Her call had been connected to a speaker system and projector screen and her taunting echoed throughout the park for all to hear. Jennifer Tilly, who had attended the shunning, added “It’s great that Victoria could still get involved in the event even though she could not make it here in person, her voice is enough to shun anyone and that little bastard needs all the shunning he can get.” It was Phil Ivey’s turn to have a go next and he proceeded to open up a can of whoopass and pour it all over Doug.
Daniel Negreanu called for the conclusion of the shunning at 5.30pm, stating that he was hungry and wanted to go home for a nap. He was still wielding his shunning bat and the rest of the crowd didn’t argue with him, leaving Doug on the ground in a pool of his own blood. A final warning was given from Daniel as the crowd dispersed “Remember Polk we run this town! The next time, there won’t be a next time.”