Phil Hellmuth is still in hospital being treated for shock after discovering he is not the center of the universe. Doctors say after a night of turmoil, where it was very touch and go for a while. Patient Hellmuth is now in a stable condition, but we are taking every precaution not to provoke another attack.
The ordeal unfolded last night at the Bellagio, when Phil took a bad beat in a hand of Texas Holdem by some random idiot internet guy. Phil then started to complain that much that the game had to come to a complete stop, and after eight minutes the man took out his phone, and showed Phil the picture seen above.
Phil then recoiled in horror, fell to the floor, and started to have a seizure. The man then knelt down next to Phil, and explained to him that this was not a picture of the universe but just the galaxy he was in, and there were trillions more just like it, at this point casino security swooped in and dragged the man away. An ambulance arrived shortly after, and rushed Phil to hospital. Paramedics said Phil just kept repeating, “there’s no place like home there’s no place like home” over and over again, eventually the third shot of thorazine put him to sleep.
Hospital staff were under strict instructions that they were not to talk to Phil about what happened, and were told if he asked them where is the center of the universe they were to reply that he was. A special team of consultants have already been put together to figure out how to avoid a situation like this recurring, with the general consensus being that patient Hellmuth might have to go back to wearing specially designed sunglasses and headphones, again to block out reality.
All players chips at the table that night were confiscated, as the casino assumed if Phil had have played on he would have beaten everyone. The man who showed the picture to Phil has been jailed without bail, and is awaiting trial. Sheriff Billy Macintosh or Big Mac as he is known said that upsetting Phil Hellmuth in the state of Nevada is a federal offense, and the accused would be looking at a minimum of twenty years.